Aw yea

You can measure distance by time.
“How far away is that place?”
“About 20 minutes.” But it doesn’t work the other way.
“When do you get off work?”
“Around 3 miles.”

All fathers are intimidating. They’re intimidating because they are fathers. Once a man has children, for the rest of his life, his attitude is, “To hell with the world, I can make my own people. I’ll eat whenever I want, I’ll wear whatever I want, and I’ll create whoever I want.”

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.”

-Jerry Seinfield